Help
Sign In
calling
November 2009 
What did you want to be when you grew up?
Posted on Sep 24th, 2009
by 
B.B.
B.B.
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for September 24, 2009:
The wife of Shaun Cassidy,my first crush,pictures cut out of Teen Beat magazine and me and my friends waxing poetic.
I wanted a simple life I wanted to be loved I wanted to get used to the breasts I sprouted way to young,I wanted to understand the power of a kiss,instead of the almost revulsion I felt the first couple of times I wanted to inhale like the adults and blow smoke out my nose.....ewwwww....ahhhhhhhhh, I wanted to stick up for every under dog and save the world,I wanted to crawl into The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show,somedays I just wanted to be invisible.
I wanted to be able to express what I was feeling inside, the way so many poets had done,I wanted to be able to mix words up so that someone else could feel what I was saying. I wanted to understand the weird sense of guilt I had when I touched myself and it felt so good I wanted to understand why so many things that felt good were considered bad,I still do,I wanted to know how people who seemed so in love let go of each other,how love can sour.
I wanted to stop being afraid,I wanted to know why people fell apart I wanted to run away from that place where the confidence ,the taking for granted of life ,that it is all ever after glitter, is replaced with uncertainty,with fluorescent reality.
I said over and over "I want to grow up!" and here I am thinking fondly of the young me,holding her in my arms and telling her that she has done good by herself that there is enough seconds in the next minute to be anything she wants,close your eyes,I want her to know that what I am and who I am are two different things,and somewhere around 40 I understood this.
Access: Public
I dig your comment. Hence, I dig you! ( who the hell uses hence )
I'd like to be your friend. Would you like to be my friend?
Remember passing notes like that? Never expecting no for the answer. Yet it happens adding to the mix of wonderful yet dreadfull emotions.
“ah youth”
I like the way tou use your words as a paint brush.
It was Marie Osmond. She kept my right hand strong!
I had a Shaun Cassidy jigsaw puzzle
I used to buy “Teen Magazine” and posted umteen letters to all the hunks in it - asking for their 8 by 10 photo's. My mom saw this big bulge of letters, ready to be mailed under my pillow after I left for school. She then went to dad for advice, and later I found all envelopes gone….it was a sorry loss for those hunks (te-hee), and a bad ass talking to is what I got from mom and dad that day after school. I was grounded from going to any parties for the rest of the school year, after that;)
sweet. This has such great energy
Outside the window is the noise of an accident aftermath. Nothing too bad,a bumper laying in the street until a lady dressed in a white shirt picked it up,three cars and people quickly regaining their composure,at an intersection,impatience in the air….people in a hurry.
I feel at times that the key has always been my childhood,that somehow for all the stress to grow up,I disconnected from myself in an abstract way……each choice after ,some kind of crap shoot….not always there has been magnificant clarity at times.
Tommy the cutest invite I ever did receive….yes
This is beautiful. I can relate. I wanted to marry David Cassidy, myself, though I only ever saw him on Partridge Family reruns on Nick at Nite.
Ah, Shaun Cassidy. And David Cassidy. I wanted to marry Bobby Sherman.
Bobby Sherman,he had great 70's hair,they all did that kind of feather meets humble beginnings meets hollywood meets a tween in sleepy town anywhere.
I don't remember exactly when I stopped grooving over Shaun and hit the Sex Pistols,but I do remember my brothers buying the mags for me and my parents finding the crush cute….shaun cassidy…not the sex pistols