How do you respond to suffering?
Posted on Jun 25th, 2008
by 
B.B.
B.B.
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for June 25, 2008:
Ouch.....then a rub to soothe.
I was going to be smart assey on this,this morning...but thought no i want everyone to suffer through my blog ;-)
I don't know if the way i suffer is very therapeutic.
I tend to shove it as far back as possible,hiding it with camping equipment,and an odd box full of papers marked important (yeah important 14 years ago),some stuffed animals that should be given to the church or salvation army,then i close the door lock it,paint it an invisible color so no one including myself can see the door and try to forget that I'm suffering.
It usually lies dormant for awhile cuz I'm so darn tired from using so much effort to close and hide the damn door that i either sleep or sleep walk.
So many of us,all of us I imagine suffer greatly in our lives at one point or another,that's why i don't want to get into details bc it becomes a pissing contest at how horrible your events were based on someone else's and hell pain is pain regardless.
Mostly what i want to say is that for me i have become really good at denying so good in fact that up until a couple of years ago it had transformed my life into a life I no longer recognized and i've discovered it is an ickier than the suffering itself. As a matter of fact i spent much of my time unable to tap into anything that reminded me of me,looking about as lost as i felt but god I was a good poser and even i bought into it for awhile....until the sleep just took over,a sleep to get away from the soul fatigue,a soul so sad and tired that it ached to be somewhere else.
The word authentic,like nice,or vanilla,or smith,gets a bad rap from over use.
But authentic,real,right, means a letting go,an opening up of the closet,a letting loose of all the shit I hid away bc suffering just didn't seem appropriate at the time (god i'm so anal ;-)
Here's me letting you in on a little secret..i left here for a couple of weeks to let the last remains come to the surface,to rear their ugly little heads,whose heads turned out to be not so ugly but so welcomed that I cried for a few days straight and understood how powerful and beautiful my own pain is and that of others,how incredibly transformative,how incredibly welcome,how incredibly human it is to suffer. it's o.k. to feel pain,it's o.k to be thrown for a loop so big that a major cry and some friendly voices Hi Jackie can make this all so crystal clear.
So the answer is today I respond to it better than I did last year.
Other people's suffering I think my chioce of job sums that one up...I'm a nurse and that's what i do i deal with other people's suffering on every shift. I wonder if maybe I threw myself into other people's suffering to forget my own?
Nurse heal thyself....now I'm laughing.
Access: Public
life
August 2008 
Brilliant def the best comment. ls so true made me LOL.
BB:
I am so happy you are back blogging….
I fell on my second day of work at a bookstore yesterday…flew backwards and hit my head on a bookcase…wanted to scream: SHIT! but could not…was so embarrased…I needed nurse BB to soothe the pain away…I have a big egg on my head.
:(
Aley
Sativa Sam,a new friend ,thank you :-)
Aley I do wish I was there to give you some well deserved TLC.
Funny thing how stuff has been coinciding with other stuff.
My friend came and got my children to take them to the park while i got a birthday supper ready for Nico. 15 mins after she left i got a call from her daughter saying “Come quick mommie's hurt”
OMG her the kids what happened holy crap…..so I get to the place where they are just before the park and it was obvious she broke her toe. Her kids crying,my kids crying her trying not to cry. I go to pivot her and lay her on the ground and she passes out. Hmmmmmmm,hubby is on his way in the car,takes her to hospital,i bring the children home,call oldest son who comes to take care of the children. I go to E.R. to find friend.quick kiss to hubby who leaves for work. Spend next three hours in e.r. while friend is in great deal of pain…hello suffering theme of the day…finally toes taped,meds for pain,time off from work..we get home and all is well while she's laying out on my couch and her children have left with their father.
Now here is me rubbing your neck a bit,looking at the bump and letting you know that when it hurts it sure in hell hurts and a good curse word here and there does relieve a bit of the pain. Nurse Bridget says so! One two three &^%^%$@#!@#$%^&*(())*&&^%%$#@#@
It has been the wildest of days,and alas the birthday cake will have to wait. poor Nico his 24 th birthday and he ends up babysitting four children.
ouch…….I'm waiting!
Maze come to Momma ;-)